fuck with my head. go ahead, make my day.

Have you ever watched a movie so profoundly fucked up yet you enjoyed it?!

Is there a name for this?! Serial...fucked-up movie watcher?!

Imagine this...

An accident on the interstate has forced you to take a fairly deserted back road. You've been driving for hours, your spouse next to you is fast asleep. You're starting to feel the effects of night time driving. Civilization doesn't exist on this road. Suddenly, you have to swerve to avoid hitting a nocturnal animal that's just crossed your path. Your spouse is jolted awake, dazed and confused. You recover and you continue to drive, only to realize a short while later that something is wrong with your car. You stop at a dilapidated service station and out of nowhere, a mechanic surprises you and offers to help. He does so, or so you think, and away you go only to completely break down a mile down the road. After a minor disagreement with your spouse, you decide the best thing to do is walk back to the service station to call for help because, of course, no one in their right mind ever stays in their broken down car on the side of a road in a dark know-nothing town and to top it off, you cannot get a cell phone signal to save your life. Literally. Luckily, no mutant, backwood inbreeders jump out at you to disembowel you but that's another movie for another time. Back at the service station, the mechanic has conveniently disappeared but there is a dismal-looking motel that resembles the one straight out of the movie Psycho. You head for the motel, because hell, aside from it being your only option, what else would you do in a thriller flick reminiscent of the slasher films of the '70s and '80s?! Aside from a lonely rusted-out pick up truck in the parking lot and a dim light coming from the front office, there are no other signs of life. You walk into the front office and hear shrill screams coming from behind a closed door that sound like someone's getting the best bang of their life...or being murdered. "Ding!", you ring that obnoxious little silver bell that you find on nearly every check-in counter at every motel and some creepy night manager emerges from where the screams are coming from. Turns out, he's only watching a film on TV. Or is he??? You find out that not only has the mechanic gone home for the evening but there are no other garages in the area and you'll have to wait 'til morning. He offers the honeymoon suite at no extra charge since no one else is there and 'cause, ya' know, he wants to be kind to the unsuspecting couple who's about to be tomorrow's breakfast buffet. It's late, you and your spouse are exhausted and only want to get some rest. The room isn't far from disgusting but all you care about is the bed. You decide to put an unmarked video tape into the VCR to entertain you while you're drifting off to sleep only it's a slasher film and who the fuck can fall asleep to that shit?? You put in another unmarked video tape and fuck, it's the same kind of movie only...the room you're in is where it was filmed!!!

*insert eerie slasher flick music here*

Suddenly, there is incessant loud banging on the door to your room. You open the door but no one's there. The banging switches to the door of the adjoining room. This goes on and on 'til you realize from glancing at the film that's still in the VCR, that this is how it all begins.

Hmm...maybe I shouldn't ruin the rest for you. Ya' know, in case you're gonna' watch this movie too. Okay then...hope y'all had a good weekend!

cell phones: they're not just used for talking anymore

I have only ever used one cell phone provider. During that time, they've changed names 3 times. And in that same amount of time, I have only ever had one cell phone that I've used to the death. I remember the day I brought it into the store and as I was telling the customer service representative that I needed a new phone, it crumbled in my hands.

All the other phones I've had, have broken in some way which caused me to get a new phone. One dropped in pee. One dropped in poo and in case any of you were curious, I did stop taking my cell phone into the bathroom with me! Today, it just fucking dropped and pieces went everywhere. It seems, however, that the phone was a break-away phone because it fit nicely back together. Only it wouldn't work. Like a freakin' puzzle that you spent hours putting together only to realize that there was one stupid little piece missing. A huge disappointment.

I was kinda' steamed. I have my sister coming into visit at the end of this week and I was just starting to get motivated to get some shit done around here and I was being productive. I wasn't planning on leaving the house today but since I rely heavily on my cell phone, a short road trip was in the cards for me!

I dreaded the thought of having to get yet another phone. Shit, I haven't had this phone for that long! And I picked one helluva day to hit the store, too. A store-full of customers and not enough people to help. Turns out, all it was was the battery went loopy went it hit the floor. The battery was replaced and I was like a boy having sex for the first time - in and out in 2 seconds.

It's been 5 hours and I'm still trying to find that motivation again to get things done. I think I'll go to the convenience store around the corner and buy me some liquid motivation in the form of a poisonous carbonated caffeinated beverage. Woot! Woot!

dirty love

And I'm not talking about that shit dating site I belong to.

I LOVE me some Jenny McCarthy and I don't care if I'm the only woman on this planet who does! And I will probably be struck down for saying this but I even liked Carmen Electra! *shudder*

JM's movie, Dirty Love, is a must see. It is hysterical but best of all, raunchy as hell!! My kind of movie! The men will be completely turned off by Jenny's character getting her period in the middle of the supermarket but I'm sure the rest of my sistahs will be able to relate!

If you're having one of those days when you're jonesin' for some laughter, you won't be disappointed. And if you are then you need to get yourself a fucking personality!!

a realization and rejuvenation

Okay...so I haven't quite left the blogging world yet. I just realized I was bored.

My problem is, I get bored too easily. I was too comfortable in the other place and it became humdrum, blah, mundane, same old same old and I hate that!

Now I'm not saying that I won't get tired of my new home, because I probably will at some point. I just can't seem to stay in one place for too long!

I know, I know, I gave up too easily on my other blog. My first blogaversary would have been October 26th. That was a day of freedom for me...as many of you can recall, I had some near-legal issues last year with the person who shall not be mentioned here that caused me to shut down The Blair Bitch Project.

I was going to set sail again with this blog on that day but I just decided not to wait. So, if you're still interested in hangin' with me, kick off your shoes (as long as they don't smell like decomposing flesh) as I'd love to have you stay awhile!