a reason to celebrate

One year ago today, I created this blog. Those of you who've been following this blog and past ones of mine, might be amazed that during this past year, I've not only made very few changes to its appearance, if any, but have not had a reason to shut this blog down and start again from scratch! Like, oh, from someone threatening to sue me for its content! *wink* Only one other blog I've had, and I've had numerous ones, lasted this long and it was the very first blog I created back in 2005.

Of course, what would my blog be without a little bit of a change after all this time?!

You may not have noticed it yet. It's a very subtle change. *snicker*

Okay then...the saga continues in The Great Appliance Meltdown of 2008!

When I last left you, the TV in my family room was on the fritz and I couldn't connect my kids' new computer through high-speed Internet because there was no signal coming from the phone jack.

The cable TV tech arrived yesterday and determined within just minutes that my TV was, in fact, a goner. I mentioned the TV I had in the attic and he kindly retrieved it for me. It worked! The video, that is. There was no sound and despite his efforts, he could not produce any sound. I guess I should have realized that any TV set that came from my late grandmother, who passed at 91, wouldn't be working right because she was stone deaf and probably didn't even realize that there was no audio!

The tech mentioned to me that he had spotted another TV set in my attic. Yippee! Yeah...not so fast! This particular set was so old, it had no volume, channel or power buttons located anywhere on the set and a remote control was needed in order to change the channel to 4. Surprise surprise, there was no remote control! Now what would make you think that I'd have any luck after the weekend I had?!

Right now, it's TV Central in my family room. Three different TV sets, three different sizes. My biggest worry was getting the two larger ones out of my family room as I am unable to budge either of them with my little finger.

I had no other choice but to go back to Best Buy last night, the fourth time in the past few days, to look for a new TV. YAY! I get to drain even more money from my bank account!! WOO HOO!

If any of you have had to purchase a new TV set lately, you're aware that most of the TVs on the market are flat-screened. Very few are the big, bulky kind from yester-year, like the two that are stuck in my family room. I found a reasonably-priced set that I really liked and I figured it was time for a new entertainment stand as well as the one I have now is older than dirt and has, coincidentally enough, started falling apart recently.

Things couldn't have gone any smoother which kinda' scares me! The last time things went this easy for me, I had to return to that damn store three times! Anyway, I completely schmoozed the sales person and he totally hooked me up! This is what he did for me:

- $100 off the price of the TV set!
- $20 off the cost of the entertainment stand because the one I wanted was no longer in stock and he agreed to let me have the other one for the same price as the first when I asked. That would have reduced the amount by $10 but when he rang up the purchase, he gave me a $20 discount! It was no mistake on his part either, he said he did it because he liked me! See? I'm not always a bitch!
- The only way to get the two TVs in my family room hauled away is if I had them make a delivery. I chose to save $125 by taking home the stand with me and build it myself so that it would be ready for when they delivered the TV. He was able to reduce the $90 delivery charge to $30 and he altogether eliminated their usual $30 haul-away charge.
- After delivery, the store's techs have to come out to hook up the TV and to make sure it's working properly. My sales guy was able to cut that cost in half.

All-in-all, he still made a nice commission off my purchase and I still almost poked my eyes out with a dull pencil point when I saw the total cost! I'm hoping this TV pays for itself the way my ancient, out-dated one did!

The cool thing about this store is that they have a rewards program. Any purchase over a certain amount of money and you receive $15 in store credit. Between this and the computer purchase the other day, this amount will come in handy when I have to get a new dryer! *wink*

Now, onto the phone issue...

The earliest the phone company could get someone out to my house was this Wednesday. While driving home yesterday from getting my daughter at school, I received a call from the phone company that they had an available tech and would I mind them coming out right away? Would I mind?! That's like someone asking me if I would mind collecting a bazillion dollars after winning the lottery! Silly, silly question!

The tech was a woman and she spent a little over an hour finding and correcting the problem and helping me set up the high-speed Internet. My son is extremely excited that his computer is all set up and I'm extremely excited that I don't have to wait around for the phone company on Wednesday!

As you can see, I'm up early again this morning. When I had my doctor's appointment yesterday, I was reminded that the speed might cause me to have some sleep issues. Despite the fact that I was exhausted at bedtime last night and that I took the muscle relaxant prescribed to me when I had my accident, I only slept a total of two hours. It wasn't like I was staring at the ceiling all night, it was actually a very comfortable, peaceful and euphoric rest in which I had my eyes closed most of the night, I just didn't get much sleep. Since I'm such an early riser, I'm taking the pill five hours earlier today so I shouldn't have this same problem tonight.

At least I hope not but with the way my luck has been lately, who knows?!

speed

Holy crap.

I'm not talking about the movie, although Keanu Reeves was pretty hot in it, I'm talking about the drug.

I'm on it.

Seriously.

Every so often, when I pack on a few extra pounds, I go to see this doctor in inbreeding country to put me on speed which is pretty much disguised as, well, diet pills. Since I haven't been able to fully exercise since my accident or even take the dog for a decent walk, someone is gonna' paste 'wide load' sign on my ass soon and that's not a good thing!

I'm not sure how I appear to others, but this is what I feel like right now...

Better yet...

Or...oh wait. This is what I look like Every day. *wink*

I seem to have forgotten what the sensation is like.

I'm sitting here and my typing 80 words/minute don't seem to be fast enough. I keep having to backspace to correct the errors. My brain has already written this post but my hands can't seem to keep up.

I'm sitting erect in my desk chair. I've never sat erect in any chair in my entire life. My house could probably fall down around me and I'd still be sitting here erect in my chair.

Too bad that's the only thing erect around here but that's an entirely different story.

My entire body is tingly. I can feel a slight migraine but the speed has dulled it and I wouldn't fucking care if my head exploded at this precise moment.

Man, this shit is good.

It may even get me to get back into the swing of things over at my photo blog. I know, shameless plug.

You would think that I'd be bouncing around in my seat right now but I'm more calm than I have been in ages! My heart is not racing and my hands are not shaking which is ironic since my nerves, which can be edgy sometimes, tend to make my hands shake. I should be up doing stuff but I'm enjoying this feeling and not wanting to move from my spot.

I guess I will when I have to pee at some point. Or when the dog has to take a crap. I may just let him do it in the dining room today. Heh.

I can only imagine what I'll be like at my son's football game this week. Last week, he ran 33 yards for a touchdown and everyone was on their feet cheering him on. I was up screaming my head off while people were slapping me on the back telling me how awesome he was. This week, I'll probably have enough energy to doing round-off back handsprings if he makes a good play!

Ugh...the dog had to poop. I had to move. It sucked.

gwen stefani had it right...

...this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!!!

People, this weekend couldn't have sucked worse. Well, I guess it could have but let me not jinx myself more than I already have!

For those of you who are just tuning in, you must read the post prior to this one to fully grasp the weekend I've had. I'll wait...










C'mon already!







At bedtime last night, I told myself that I would have a completely different and much better day today. That, unfortunately, was not to be had. I had the same day as yesterday, only worse!

Yesterday, I couldn't figure out where on my son's new computer was the software I had downloaded. Today I found it, still couldn't figure out how to make a desktop shortcut for it but nevertheless, I found it. Score! Then, after acsessing one of the software programs and getting stuck in one part, I realized that he has to have Internet connection to use said software in order to be able to use the full features. So I set up his new high-speed Internet. It. Didn't. Work.

This is where I should have laughed at everything that had gone wrong thus far but I didn't.

I checked and rechecked everything. Originally I thought it was one of the phone cords but it wasn't until my kids came home from their dad's for the weekend that I learned there's no juice coming from the phone outlet. So now I'll have to have someone from the phone company come out to figure out why as this phone jack used to work. And trust me, they better figure out why and fix it! Anyway, I packed up the Internet stuff for now and I'll have to get back to that later.

Brain-damaged beyond belief at this point, I went downstairs to relax in my family room with what I predicted would be some bad TV. The. TV. Didn't. Work. The fucked up part is that it had just worked for me a few hours earlier. And after spending the better part of an hour talking to a customer service representative, he came to the conclusion that the problem had nothing to do with the cable box because he was seeing from his end that I was getting a full signal, but that it was the TV. The TV lasted us 9+ years, so I guess I got my money's worth, right?!

The only good thing is I have a TV stored in my attic that is similar to the one I already have but I'll need the assistance of a big burly man from the cable company to help me with that and I have one scheduled to come out tomorrow. Just my luck, I'll be out picking up my kids from school or something.

My kids' school has gone green in the sense that most information can be found on the school's website and printed out at home instead of them sending home information on paper with the kids. For the past few weeks, I've been printing out my daughter's weekly spelling lists and the weekly newsletter that identifies what's being done in her different classes with no problems. Today, I was able to print out her spelling list but I am unable to print out the weekly newsletter because an error message kept coming up that I didn't have compatible software. Of course I do have the right software but I thought I'd do one better and download an upgraded version. When I did, my keyboard to this computer started going wonky on me! Several times I would type a word here for this post, only for the letters in that word winding up in the wrong order and trust me, I was typing them in the right order! Doesn't make sense, does it?! Then again, pretty much everything that's happened this weekend hasn't made much sense!

Anyway, since canceling the download, all is back to normal. I'm aware that with what's been going on here, "normal" is all relative. *wink*

if things happen in threes, i'm all stocked up for a year!

Before I complain to you about what a loser I am and about what a difficult go of things I have, much worse than any of you of course, *snicker*, I needed to apologize again about being so out of touch with everyone. I've been an awful blogging friend and I just wanted y'all to know that I haven't forgotten any of you and will be making it up soon.

Last week was overly busy and this week will be pretty much the same. And I'm going to use a similar excuse as "my dog ate my homework" because I've been spending far too much time on Facebook. If Facebook were crack, I'd be Amy Winehouse. Okay, I'm not so sure that made any sense but then again, it is only 4:44am when I'm typing this!

My son entered the sixth grade this year and it's a very difficult year at that. Much of his work is going to be spent on Powerpoint, Excel and Word so I had to buy him that software for his computer here. As much as I enjoy living with my ancient dial-up, that's not good enough for the amount of research he has to do so I had to get him high-speed Internet. While I'm on the subject, do not under any circumstances get Comcast for your Internet connection. They wanted to take my first born, one of my kidneys and an arm just so I could afford their fucking Internet service. Seriously unbelievable the amount of money they wanted per month!

A few days ago, I finally got my lazy ass upstairs to install his software and the high-speed, only to discover that their computer was fucking toast! The CD-rom wouldn't even open and no amount of picking and prying helped. I asked them when this may have happened, and neither of them can even remember the last time they were on their computer! My son said it may have been two years ago!!!!

Friday night, I went out and within thirty minutes, they had a new computer. No frills, no bells or whistles, just the basic stuff as I had the software to install and nothing else was needed. I got it home with the intention of setting it all up yesterday morning. I set the computer up and turned it on. The instructions read that it could take up to twenty minutes to power on so I went about my business and went to tackle the growing pile of laundry. Came back twenty or so minutes later and still nothing. No video whatsoever. I unplugged and replugged. Nothing. The computer was a total dud! Just my luck, right?!

I had been planning a relaxing day. I was going to give myself a pedicure and inbetween watching crappy TV, I was going to do laundry and tidy up a little bit. It was not to be had. At 10am, when the store opened, I called them and they said the only thing I could do was bring the computer back, they would have their tech guys check it out and if it was gone, they'd swap it out. I anticipated this and had already packed up the computer. In the meantime, I realized that my dryer, which I always set for a 70 minute cycle, had stopped after only forty minutes. Curious, I checked. Dead. Most of my sheets were dry, freakin' burning hot actually because they hadn't gone through the cooling down cycle, but D-E-A-D, dead. My beloved dryer of fourteen years! I literally crumbled in a ball on the laundry room floor and cried! First one thing, then another! Too much stuff to do and it turning to shit all around me! The world was surely coming to an end!

At the same moment, my laundry room light decided it was a super time to dim on me. Those fucking florescent bulbs last about a minute, I tell ya'!

And...just as I was thinking this morning what a good boy Schwartz has been lately for doing his bu'iness outside and alerting me to when he has to go to the bathroom, I found a heaping mound of steamy shit in the dining room.

Someone has it out for me.

I picked my sorry ass up off the floor and started getting myself together. First I made the beds with whatever sheets were dry, got myself dressed but then something told me that I should go back to the laundry room. I pushed the dryer door shut, pressed the button and...IT WORKED!!!!! My dryer may have one foot in dryer heaven, but for now she's still okay!!

After all that was said and done, I went to the store and the guy helping me had the same problem with the computer so they immediately swapped it out for a new one. No hassles, no threatening his life. I told the guy I wasn't removing it from the store unless he checked it for me first. That was part of their service, so indeed, he would check it. "Come back in twenty minutes...or an hour." he said. Huh? First it was twenty minutes, the next minute he said an hour "just in case we get a rush of people". So I went down the road to get gas which was at least a ten-minute drive and figured that would give them enough time. Called a friend inbetween. The sun was out, it was a clear sky and 80-some degrees, not that bullshit cold, fallish 60-some degrees we've been having lately! It was a very pleasant day and I was in a good mood despite this inconvenience.

I went back and after a brief wait, I was back on the road. I decided for the rest of the day I would relax and get my laundry finished. No further problems with my dryer. *knocks on wood about 100 times*

Later on in the day, I went upstairs to finally hook up the new computer and...no fucking cable to connect the computer to the monitor! I checked and rechecked the boxes. Nothing. To say I was fuming would be like saying I can't wait for the day when my daughter comes home and tells me she's having massive amounts of sex. Okay, bad comparison.

I went back to the store. As it turns out, it was entirely my fault as that necessary part is included with the monitor, not the computer, and I accidentally returned it in the computer box. Luckily, the computer I had returned earlier in the day was still behind the customer service counter and they easily dug the cable out for me.

I went home, hooked up the computer and it worked. I installed the software. Today, I have to install the high-speed Internet software and hook up the computer for that. Now it's basically familiarizing myself with it enough to be able to instruct my kids how to use it and that's the hard part. I think my Dell is three or four years old, maybe five, but it was never this difficult to learn! Between the day I had and trying to maneuver my way around this new computer, I was more brain damaged than a person without brain waves. Even talking to my kids on the phone last night was a total struggle! I was ready to have my second cry of the day, that's how frustrated I was!

Nothing a good night sleep wouldn't solve. Too bad I don't sleep well! 'Cause here I am up early again!

who said anything about a separation?!

Guys, this just keeps getting better and better. Or, should I say, this keeps getting worse and worser. Heh.

Q: When is a separation not a separation?!
A: When the new house is really a love nest.

"Huh?" you ask?!

My daughter didn't have school today because it was parent/teacher conferences. She asked that I take her out to lunch so I thought it was a perfect time to ask her again about what was going on with the person who shall not be mentioned here.

She began the way she previously did...

"They're still in a relationship but when all three of us kids (including her child) are together, they don't get any free time together so they needed to get another house so they can have some alone time."

*blank stare"

She added, "I know it sounds confusing..."

Confusing?! Confusing doesn't even cover it, it doesn't even make fucking sense! You want alone time? Go get a fucking hotel room on weekends you don't have the kids, you fucking morons!

Is this the biggest load of horseshit y'all have ever heard?! I mentioned the word 'separated' to my daughter and she had no idea what I was talking about.

Lemme' back up for a minute...

When we were going through the divorce process, we mutually decided that we did not want the kids schlepping back and forth from house-to-house every other week. Our arrangements are that they stay at my house during the week, he sees them a few times during the week depending on what his work schedule allows and he has them every other weekend.

It's already been confirmed to me that the two love birds are officially separated by a close friend and employee of his wife's, so why are they lying to the kids? It's just like them to form an excuse blaming the kids for their relationship issues.

When we split, the kids were too young to understand the situation. We didn't lie to them but they just didn't get it. Now that they're older, not only would they understand and learn to adjust but kids have feelings too and will start distrusting those who choose to be dishonest with them. The last person I want them to have such feelings towards is their own father.

Of course his and her relationship is of no concern of mine but when my kids are involved and I hear that they're being lied to, then I feel the need to step in. On one hand, I'm seriously contemplating constructing an Email message to him, telling him what a disservice he's doing to himself and to the kids by not telling them the truth. Is this dishonesty the kind of relationship he wants to have with the kids? 'Cause the longer he keeps the truth from them, the longer it will probably take for the kids to trust him again and/or believe anything he says.

The other hand is telling me that if he wants to fuck up his relationship with his kids, to butt out and let him.

Anyone have their own take on this, pearls of wisdom, insight...?

too rigid? you be the judge

Last night, my son had a football scrimmage at his school to allow the kids on his and the opposing team they played who don't ordinarily get the opportunity to play during a regular game to have some good team-building playtime on the field. The person who shall not be mentioned here was there and after everything was done, took the kids for a few hours.

This is where the problem started for me...he called me twenty minutes 'til 9. Nine pm is their bedtime. Sharp. I have to get the kids up at 6:15am for school so there is no breathing room for when they go to bed during the week or else they will suffer considerably during the course of the day.

He told me that they went to dinner and they went to the mall. He knew, as he's always known, that 9pm is their bedtime, no ifs, ands or buts. Why did they go to the mall? Couldn't tell you, don't really give a shit. Did they have to go to the mall? Most likely not. Did it cut into their down time to relax before bed so they wouldn't go to bed all wound up. You bet your sweet asses it did! Did it piss me off?! Um...is the sky fucking blue?!?!??!!?

So he starts telling me the deal...that my son has some papers from school for me to sign and that he has to take a shower when he gets home, blah, blah fucking blah. So I told him the deal - have them back before nine, plain and simple. That's their bedtime and he knew it. My son will take a shower before bed or in the morning, depending on if time allows and depending on when he gets his shit together and gets the kids home.

When my son takes a shower, it wakes him up so do I want him to feel all refreshed and awake enough to be able to watch a 9-inning baseball game on TV when he's supposed to be in bed? FUCK NO!!

He chuckles as if I'm performing a comedy act that I'm unaware of and asks, "Why are you being so rigid?"

I asked him "Why are you being the usual dumb fuck that you tend to be?"

Okay, I didn't say that but I wanted to.

So I laid it out for him...my house, my rules. If you take them out from my house, you get them back when I say you get them back. If you don't like that and are incapable of following someone else's rules, then don't take them out during the week. When I realized the familiar sound of his panties being tied in a very tight knot and knew that he was getting ready to hang up on me, I hung up on him.

This is what I didn't get the chance to tell him but will do so in an Email message today...if he takes the kids out on a school night, he leaves enough time to get them back before their bedtime, not when he feels like it. When we got divorced, he put me in charge as primary caregiver so in general, what I say goes and if he doesn't like it, tough shit. Since the day our divorce was granted in a court of law, I've always been very lenient with the schedule in the fact that we have a set schedule arranged in our divorce agreement that we've never followed because I always thought that as long as I stayed flexible with him and allowed him to see the kids when his schedule allowed, things would be cool between us. But if he wants to fuck around and think he can do what he wants, then he'll start following that pre-arranged schedule if I say so.

Am I being too strict? I don't think so. Kids need structure and order in their lives or chaos ensues. I've never said anything about what he does at his house because it's his house and he makes the rules there. I wasn't put on this earth to understand them or even like them, but they're his rules and I understand and accept them. He doesn't have to understand or accept mine, he doesn't even have to respect me, but he does have to respect my rules and not question them when he doesn't like them.

The Queen has spoken. *snicker*

i'm not surprised in the least

Last Tuesday, as my daughter and two of her friends were riding along in the car on the way to my daughter's birthday party, my daughter said something that kinda' surprised me. Well, not really but I pressed for more information. This is what she said...

"Well, they're still in a relationship but C. is moving into a house down the road."

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that she was referring to the person who shall not be mentioned in here and his lovely bride of just over a year.

Yep, separated. Confirmed yesterday by a woman who works for C. and has become friends with her.

I knew it wouldn't last and I told friends as such way back when. When they were scheduling their wedding and they postponed it four or five times, I was the one who said it was C. who was dragging her feet for some reason and I was right. Oh, it had something to do with her still being married to her ex. Seriously.

I talked to a friend last night about it who used to be a friend of my ex's as well but he drove everyone away because C. made him. Now the only friends he has are her friends which means that he has no friends and is probably lonely and depressed. He'll recover but I feel bad. This is now the second woman, me being the first, who wanted out. With me, it was because he wasn't the right man for me. For her, it's probably because she's already dating someone else. I don't like to start rumors but from what I've heard about her over the years, I'm probably right. She moved out of their house fast. She probably already had another house picked out and rented before she even told him she was leaving.

He's supported and provided for her financially. When she was paying her employees on an empty bank account, I'm certain he came through for her and dipped into his 401K to help get her out of the jam. When she over-extended herself in renovating her new place of business, he probably helped her out there, too. He bought her a Mercedes when she didn't need one. They renovated certain parts of their house even when they didn't need to. She's probably renting the house with his money. It's ashame for him because he probably won't be able to afford their home on his salary alone.

I haven't really talked to the kids about it but when they cryptically mentioned the news again Friday night, my son chuckled about it, so I don't really know how they feel. I do know how they'll feel if their dad has to sell the house after he spent a ton of money fixing up both their rooms.

I realize that it's not all about material things. When he and I split, the kids were young, didn't understand and adjusted well to the situation. As their mother, I should inquire about it and make sure they're okay which, now that I know for certain what's going on, I will do so sometime this week. I hate to be such a bitch about things but if I know their dad the way I think I know their dad, then he probably hasn't done much on his part to put their fears to rest.

I may not like the guy much but I certainly feel for him right now. I haven't said anything to him yet but he must know that I know. I mean, the kids always tell me everything and that must have been his "plan". From what I understand, the happy couple hasn't started seeing a therapist so I have doubts that they will get back together. I'm waiting for that time to talk to him...when I can suggest that he take her and all her mysterious illnesses she's had since before they met off his health insurance plan and make her fend for herself. Kick her to the curb the way that she's kicked him.

My plan? Let's just say I'm going to be carrying around my camera with me a lot more these days. My ex may not like me but I guarantee you, he'll end up liking her even less. *wink*

another movie review

I have some good advice that I hope y'all will take.

Under no circumstances should you watch the movie Lost Boys: The Tribe.

Remember the cult movie Lost Boys with Corey Haim, Corey Feldman and Keifer Sutherland? It was good, right? It's a movie you can watch over and over again and it never gets old. At least that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

I don't want to get too far ahead of myself. Let's start with the reality show, The Two Coreys, with the drama queen Corey Feldman vs. the train wreck, Corey Haim. If you watched The Two Coreys like I watched The Two Coreys, then you knew that in season 1, Corey Haim was distraught over finding out that they were not going to be making a Lost Boys 2. In season 2, we learn that they are, in fact, making a Lost Boys 2 but that Corey Haim is a drug-addicted, panic-stricken lost cause who cannot learn his lines to save his life and is, unfortunately for him, hits the cutting room floor. There's a whole lot of mish-mosh inbetween but who gives a shit about that stuff?!

My ex threw my son his birthday party yesterday so I had four hours to myself. It was a toss-up between doing massive amounts of laundry or watching a movie on TV. There wasn't much to choose from but I saw the Lost Boys 2 movie and I couldn't resist.

Vampire surfers, who woulda' thunk it?! Eh, I guess there's all kinds.

So let's go back to Santa Ana where the town itself is still creepy as ever. Here are a brother and sister new to the town. The brother is a former professional surfer who meets up with another former professional surfer-turned-vampire who takes to the guy's sister. Here comes Edgar Frog aka Corey Feldman, surfboard shaper/vampire hunter who takes the former professional surfer under his wing and shows him ways to get his sister out from under the clutches of the hotty vampire surfer. When he showed him the metal stake that looked a lot like a vibrator, the water I was drinking shot through my nose.

Allow me to add that Corey Feldman can't act for shit. Plain and simple.

Okay...same storyline as the first movie...brother has to find head vampire and kill him before his sister has her first kill and turns completely into a vampire. YAWN!!!! I fell asleep towards the end so we will just have to guess what happens. Hmm...I wonder.

I'm more torn up that there will be no third season of their reality show than at how disappointing the movie was!

eating on the road

I don't usually eat fast food mainly because I don't want to die at a young age with clogged arteries. But now that I'm mobile, I'm throwing my daughter her long-awaited birthday party after school today and I have so much to do, there's no time to make myself a healthy meal at home. Plus I really like the ice coffee at Mickey D's.

Of course there's always time for blogging so I had to tell you about my wonderful experience at the drive-thru this morning.

Idiot Drive-Thru Woman: Welcome to McDonald's, can I help you?
Me: Yes, I'll have the powdered egg sandwich with a slab of that greasy meat-substitute on stale two-day old bread. And make sure you put twice the butter on the bread to make it really soft so it appears as if it's fresh. I would also like a regular medium iced coffee with two creams and two sugars, please.
IDTW: Did you see hot coffee?
Me: I said 'iced coffee".
IDTW: _azlenut?
Me: Pardon?
IDTW: _o _ou __nt Hazlenut fl_v_r in your hot coffee?
Me: No thank you. And I said "a regular iced coffee".
IDTW: Do you _ant me to put _of_ee in that?
Me: I'm sorry, did you just ask me if you want me to have you put coffee in the iced coffee?!
IDTW: No, I asked you if you want c_eam _n_ su_ar wit_ that?

(Uh, no she didn't.)

Me: Yes thank you. I already told you I wanted two creams and two sugars.

In case you hadn't already figured it out, this woman taking the orders did not know how to use the headset properly. Those blank spaces signify how she kept cutting herself off and frankly, I'm kinda' proud of myself that I was able to decipher what she was saying without needing an interpreter. I don't mean to offend any fast food drive-thru personnel out in Blogging Land but for fuck's sake, I'm pretty sure you don't need a freakin' Master's degree to work that damn headset!

I drove around to pay at the first window. I had to wait because the woman was too busy inserting toys into empty Happy Meal boxes to bother taking my money. I timed her and it took her a minute and a half before acknowledging my presence. And inbetween watching her do such a superb job inserting those shit plastic toys in boxes and trying my hardest to patiently wait for her to pay attention, I asked her "Do I have to do a dance or something to get you to take my money?".

Seriously, who has time for this shit?!

She looked up and with a smile and a very vacant look in her eye she happily greeted me, took my money, presented me with my change and went back to work. Can anyone say "Twilight Zone"?! Talk about weird.

I drove to the next window knowing that my order was going to be fucked up and I was not disappointed. Or should I say that I was disappointed but not surprised. Anyway, the manager handed me what else but a steaming cup of hot coffee.

Me: For Pete's sake, are you serious??!
Manager: Is there a problem?
Me: Considering I spent five minutes trying to make your girl there understand that I wanted ICED COFFEE, yeah I'd say there was a problem!

Do you know that bitch of a drive-thru girl started shaking her head at me?!

Me: You better not be shaking your head at me because in case you didn't already know, the customer is always right and that's just rude behavior on your part. Clean the shit out of your ears and learn how to use your headset so that you press the button before you start speaking and not in mid-sentence. If you did it right, there'd be no confusion now, would there?

The manager handed me my ICED coffee, apologized for the problem and while I was checking to make sure she didn't fuck up the rest of my order, the manager asked the girl to give her the headset and go find a job in the kitchen.

That was the manager's first mistake...thinking that someone with her head shoved high up her rectum would know what she was doing.

Valuable lesson learned. No matter how much I may get a hankerin' for greasy, nasty food, I'm eating at home from now on!

where oh where is my mystery man?!

For someone who called three times in three hours, wanting to speak to me so badly, he didn't call yesterday at all. In fact, my phone didn't ring until nearly 10 pm last night and that was just a friend! It's all good, as I said previously, I wasn't interested in speaking to him anyway. Besides, who knows what would have come out of my mouth if he had called!

Allow me to clarify something...yes, he was married at the time we started chatting but he was starting divorce proceedings so it wasn't like he was one of those married cheeseballs who joins a dating site because they're bored in their marriage. This guy's problem was that he was very bitter with many things that had to do with his soon-to-be ex. The initial process of starting to chat with someone, me, who understood his situation was a high for him. I knew from my own experience that he was nowhere near ready to meet someone or be in another relationship without first healing. There were several mistakes I made - I allowed myself to get to know someone who wasn't emotionally available, I let him convince not only himself but me that everything was fine when I knew it wasn't and I got close to someone who I knew would break my heart.

As always, I believe that everything happens for a reason and thankfully, there's a reason why he hasn't called me back and I'm more than fine with that. I'm not one for dredging up that kind of past. There are some life experiences that are just meant to stay on that out-of-reach shelf and collect dust.

Now, as if I haven't offered enough shameless plugs of my photoblog, it is up and running again. For those of you who've never taken a peek at my photos, please do so when you have some time to spare for 'lil ole me! I'm always looking for criticism. The constructive kind - I still have some pent-up energy and a few colorful words I can offer y'all since Mr. Private Caller didn't give me the opportunity to share things with him! *wink*

mystery man revealed

Dead asleep shortly after 9pm last night, I was not the least bit happy when my cell phone started ringing an hour later. And guess who it was?! Yep, Mr. Private Caller. As earlier in the day, the call went unanswered and was sent directly to voicemail but no voicemail was left. Thankfully, no further calls came through.

However...

Given that I already have poor sleep habits and it's very difficult for me to go back to sleep once I awaken and given that I turned over to face this

on the pillow next to me plus his stinky-ass gas stench had already permeated my pillowcase, it was very difficult, to say the least, to fall back to sleep.

And my restlessness proved to be a bitch because I ended up moving my pillow too close to my night stand, knocking off my glasses. Do you know how hard it is to look in the dark for the one thing that helps you see?! I ended up having to get out my old pair of glasses which, of course, was also difficult to find since I couldn't fucking see!!

*heavy sigh*

No amount of watching Tabatha's Salon Takeover (Tabatha Coffey was the first season winner from the reality TV show, Shear Genius) helped me go back to sleep either. In fact, I was very intrigued by the whole concept of some raging hair-styling know-it-all bitch going into some shitty stripmall salon bent on making the stylists better at their craft and the salon a nicer, more appealing place to be. Of course the one time I watch this show, a stylist goes off on Tabatha basically calling her Hitler and telling her that she was purposefully making a fucking spectacle of everything. I got sucked into the drama and needless to say, I watched the whole pathetic episode.

Then (there's always a 'then'), I got caught up in watching Chelsea of Chelsea Lately fame and being taken with her boney collar bone which was, perhaps, the most abnormal-looking protruding collar bone I've ever seen on a woman before!

Wait...what was the point of this post? Oh yeah, right...

So after Mr. Private Caller woke me the fuck up and I was tossing and turning for the better part of an hour, a lightbulb went off in my braindead head and I had a feeling I knew who it was that was calling. I listened to the voicemail he left yesterday and figured out that yes, I indeed did know who it was...a guy whom I had chatted with on a dating site years ago, whom I had plans to meet at one point but they fell through because he was still married, hadn't yet gone through the divorce process and was still nursing old wounds. It was a mess, to say the least, and left me feeling a bit damaged as well in the end.

I have no hard feelings for the guy, I just don't have the desire to talk to him after all this time has passed. I don't know about y'all, but the fact that he held onto my number leaves me feeling a little creeped out!

So we'll see if he calls again today and even though I've figured out who he is, it'll be interesting to see if he actually decides to tell me his name or continues to try to keep his identity a mystery. If I wanted a daily dose of aggravation and game-playing, I'd be out dating. Naturally!

the games that people play

I don't know about the rest of you, but I never accept phone calls that register 'private number' on my Caller ID mainly because it's usually someone purposefully hiding their identity and who know I wouldn't answer their call if I knew who they were.

Today I got one of those such calls. It took the person three times calling to finally leave a message and then when all was said and done, I still don't know who the fuck he was!

As the message says, according to him he's a voice from my past. Someone who is going to be in town for a few days and who will call me again when his plane lands. No other identifying characteristics, not even a name to let me know who it was. I've always been pretty good about remembering a voice but not this time.

IF I wanted a guy in my life right now, it would be someone who would feel comfortable telling me his name and not greeting me with "this is a voice from your past". All I can say, is that I'm sure there's a really good reason he's in the past and perhaps he should stay there. The fact that he didn't even disclose his name speaks volumes. It's probably some psycho I'd rather see dead. Seriously.

Hopefully I'll be lucky and it's just some guy who dialed the wrong number. Let's all keep our fingers crossed, shall we?!

morning movies

All I can say is "wow".

I woke up early as usual but a little late for me, turned on the TV and noticed that The Da Vinci Code was coming on. Even though the movie is long, I like it so I was looking forward to just holding down the sofa for a few hours this morning.

I was sitting here at the computer getting my early-morning Facebook fix (it's addictive, I tell you!) when I heard the the vaguely familiar sound of hot sweaty sex. I turned around to see some skanky soft porn movie on called The Da Vinci COED.

Oops!

I thought it was a mistake on my part so I pressed the information button and sure enough, it read The Da Vinci CODE.

The Coed movie did not appear to be the Holy Grail of movies so I instead grabbed my camera and headed out about town to see if there was anything I could capture. If you want to see what I shot, you'll have to check out my photoblog (what else but a shameless plug?!) over the next few days!

When I got home, I thought it was about time that I got rid of these nasty things and gave myself a pedicure. I wanted a polish that dries quickly so that I wouldn't be without my support brace for too long so I chose some metallic Exorcist Green color. And by the way, those toenails pictured are not mine. My toenails may grow fast but not that fast!

About a month or so before my accident, I wrote about this Kamikaze squirrel that resides in one of our pine trees. I was outside just a short while ago while with Schwartz when I heard something break loose from the limbs high above. This fucking pine cone hit me square on top of my head! At least I think it was a pine cone as I didn't see a limb on the ground. If there's one thing I learned about my experience tonight, other than that squirrel has it out for me, is that pine cone's hurling towards earth from the top of an 80+ foot pine tree hurts like a motherfucker!

a week in the life of a gimp

Ah, my blogging friends, it's been one helluva week!

It started last Friday when I went food shopping by myself for the first time. What usually takes me thirty minutes or less took me an hour. By the time I was done, my feet hurt so bad, I wished I could crawl to my car.

My son has recently joined a weekend baseball team. Football during the week, baseball on Sundays. Since it was my weekend with the kids last weekend, I was responsible for shlepping them to the baseball park. I had to walk/limp/hobble along in very hot and humid 90+ degree heat and by the time I got to the bleachers, I'm certain there was a puddle of sweat trailing behind me. The makeup I had applied that morning was gone by the time I opened my car door when we arrived at the park.

This week was very busy. Aside from trying to take my time and letting my feet call the shots about how much I can get done in one day, I'm disappointed in the grooming Schwartz got and I've been annoyed all week from that! Yes, just from that!

When I picked him up from those shitty groomers at Petsmart last Friday, it looked like they had gotten tired of grooming him and chose not to shave/shape the fur on his head. Now he wakes up everyday with bedhead. It's cute. For about a second. Then I get annoyed all over again.

His paws...two of his paws were trimmed nicely, the other two, not so much. WTF happened? Did the groomer have her head shoved up her ass when she was grooming him?!

And while I'm on the subject of asses, she did a shit job shaving him with a zigzag pattern on his chest, but she did remember to shave his asshole. Yes, I said his asshole. He has a perfectly shaven, clean asshole (well, as clean as a dog's asshole can possibly be). From a groomer's perspective she was probably thinking, "No buttnuggets for you today, mister!" which is fine but he's got a bald asshole, for crying out loud! Maybe I should take him back and tell her if she's going to shave it she might as well bleach it too. If she wants it clean, make it fucking clean! Needless to say, I won't be using Petsmart again and if any of you use the Petsmart in your area for grooming, just make sure the groomer doesn't look like she just shot up.

I've been really bad about blogging lately. The motivation is just not there. Same with my photoblog (shameless plug). I'm gonna' try to be better at it though so don't anyone forget about me 'cause if you think I bitch now, just wait if you stop coming to visit me!

adding a piece to the puzzle

So yesterday I talked about this nonsensical billboard advertisement. Later on in the morning, I was driving along the same highway where this billboard is and I noticed something I hadn't mentioned before. Part of the advertisement reads 'Only 30 available'.

Not that that makes this cryptic advertisement any more understandable, I just thought I'd mention it.

So guess what?

I talked to my father yesterday.

It wasn't by choice, I'll tell you that much. I spoke to my mother earlier in the week in which she said that she wanted to speak to the kids this weekend so I had the kids call while we were out yesterday and when my daughter was finished speaking, she handed me the phone. I'm always in the habit of asking 'hello?' to make sure no one's there before hanging up but this time, both my parents were on the phone.

Fuck me. Hard.

So I spoke to them and if my tone were any chillier, my parents would have frozen solid. They asked me how I was, (WOW) and how I was managing things. I told them as briefly as possible what was going on. There were no 'I love you's' exchanged, thankfully, because I can't promise I would have responded if they had said it.

I think I pushed myself too hard yesterday because today, my left ankle is more than just a little tender. I was on my feet from morning 'til almost 10 at night with very little rest inbetween. I know I shouldn't rush things but when you have stuff to do, you have stuff to do!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, bitches!

i'm having a hard time with this one

I've been meaning to write about this for some time now. For about a month or so, this one particular highway here has a billboard advertisement for the 2009 Ford Flex. The tag line reads "The Boo Radley Special". Has anyone else seen this advertisement?

One of my favorite books and movies is To Kill A Mockingbird. For those of you who don't know the story, which I'm pretty certain most if not all of you do, Boo Radley is a mysterious man who keeps to himself, many people in the town have never even seen him and wonder if he's even real.

So how does the term 'Boo Radley' come into play when selling a car?!

*listens to crickets chirping*

I just don't get it.

I researched and the closest I got to an explanation was this paragraph from an online story discussing cars that were being 'put out to pasture':

Mercury Montego
The Boo Radley of automobiles, a lot of people won't notice it's been dropped from this year's lineup because a lot of people don't know it existed in the first place. Ford's going to try, try again, though: It's being relaunched this year as the Sable.


Read the first sentence again. If you think about that and compare it to the character in the story, man, that's fucking harsh!

But again, how does Boo Radley apply to this newer advertisement? The Boo Radley Special? Are they saying that if we give it time, this one will be just as forgotten as the Mercury Montego?!

I just don't see how such a negative reference to the story can have positive results. Someone help me make some fucking sense of this shit!!

OMG. I just realized something. There's war going on this world. Poverty. Killer storms here in the south. And I'm wondering about the meaning of an advertisement.

Someone slap me! Yeah, yeah, don't push too fast to get to the head of the line, yo. Y'all will get your chances!

here's hanna!!!

Hanna has presented herself in the form of light drizzling rain. Wow, what a storm! I really shouldn't complain but a tropical storm should be more impressive than this!

I attended my daughter's Parent Night at her school. As feared, this woman is one of the class room moms. Some of you who've been reading my blog for awhile may remember this sow. The funny thing is, she wasn't there last night but the woman who's her co-room mom was, someone who has never been a room mom before. For some reason I cannot yet explain, this bitch told the virgin room mom that she was a room mom last year which, of course, she wasn't! She has three children, one of whom is only four and doesn't yet attend the school. I was a room mom last year in the class with her son and I checked and rechecked the directory and she most certainly was not a room mom last year for her daughter's class, as she claims! I'm gonna' figure out a time and a place to tell this woman that she was lied to.

Why should I make it my business? Well, some people in this world are meant to be heads of major corporations. Some people are meant to be baby factories and keep reproducing until their uterus drops out of them. And then there are people like me who make it their goal in life to be the biggest bitch that they possibly can be before they die! Just one more notch to add to my bitch belt.

Seriously though, what was the point of lying? If you recall (read the post if you don't), this woman acted like she knew everything about everything and just because she was able to organize a nice baby shower for my daughter's teacher does not a room mom make! This should be yet another interesting year...my ignoring this woman and laughing in her face simultaneously! Wooooo, this should be fun!

Speaking of laughing at someone...my kids won't stop laughing at me! I found out the true purpose of a cane...so that one doesn't fall over while walking. The day I was taken off crutches, I lost my balance and walked into so many walls and doors, I'm surprised I don't have any bruises! This morning, I was standing at the washer doing laundry when I sneezed and nearly fell over! I can walk without a cane although I waddle like a duck and the kids can't get enough of walking behind me and giggling because every so often they need to tell me I'm leaning over. I'm getting better though and I'm thinking that by the end of next week I won't need either the support brace or the cane.

Anyway, I have a busy weekend planned for the kids so I doubt I'll be online much. Enjoy yourselves!

baby, you can drive my car...

Fuck that! I'll drive my own damn car, thankyouverymuch!

That's right, I am driving and walking once again! And I didn't even have to beat my doctor upside the head with my crutches to let me!

I was early to my appointment yesterday and, surprisingly enough, early taken. If you recall my telling you about my first appointment with this doctor, he fit me into his schedule but I still had to wait two hours so I was yesterday prepared to have to wait before being taken. X-rays were taken of just my left foot and the doctor said he could see no sign of the bone chips or break. He gave me a support brace for my left foot, sent me on my way and I will see him again in a month!

So now, I'm wearing the brace, sneakers and walking with a cane. My PT was here this morning to show me how to do some exercises between now and the next time she checks in on me in two weeks. The doctor said it was up to me about how much longer I wanted to continue physical therapy but he doesn't think I need it anymore since my PT did such a good job getting me back into shape. And this afternoon, someone is coming to pick up the wheelchair.

Driving is a piece of cake. My foot doesn't hurt at all and it's been nice being able to get out and get some things done! My left foot is still causing me some stiffness as well as some new joint issues (my left knee and right hip) given that I'm putting so much more weight on my right foot but the exercises my PT gave me will resolve those issues in time but just to play it safe, I've upped my dose of my daily joint supplement!

Now, as far as these fucking tropical weather systems...Calgon, take me away!

My kids were at their dad's all weekend and the first words out of my daughter's mouth when she stepped foot in the house on Monday night were "We may have to evacuate!".

Apparently, the person who shall not be mentioned here decided it was necessary to "educate" the kids on what was going on in the tropics. I don't know about you, but I wasn't aware that educating someone on a topic consisted of putting the fear of God into them! It took me several days for me to try to put her mind at ease and I thought I had made progress with her until she got into the car yesterday after school and asked if our house was going to fall down! Fuckin' A! Now she thinks that every time there's a damn gust of wind, our house is gonna' go with it! So how is that educating her?!?

We do have an evacuation plan and I do have a hotel room reserved for us just in case. I'm thinking that Hanna will pass us by so we won't need said hotel room for her but I'm thinking about re-booking that room in case Ike decides to grace us with his presence, which looks like a strong possibility at this point. Unfortunately, we're overdue for a biggie of a storm. We haven't had one in this area since the late 1800s.

Please keep us in your thoughts during this time and all you up the east coast, please stay safe this weekend 'cause it looks like you could get it worse than us!