a reason to celebrate

One year ago today, I created this blog. Those of you who've been following this blog and past ones of mine, might be amazed that during this past year, I've not only made very few changes to its appearance, if any, but have not had a reason to shut this blog down and start again from scratch! Like, oh, from someone threatening to sue me for its content! *wink* Only one other blog I've had, and I've had numerous ones, lasted this long and it was the very first blog I created back in 2005.

Of course, what would my blog be without a little bit of a change after all this time?!

You may not have noticed it yet. It's a very subtle change. *snicker*

Okay then...the saga continues in The Great Appliance Meltdown of 2008!

When I last left you, the TV in my family room was on the fritz and I couldn't connect my kids' new computer through high-speed Internet because there was no signal coming from the phone jack.

The cable TV tech arrived yesterday and determined within just minutes that my TV was, in fact, a goner. I mentioned the TV I had in the attic and he kindly retrieved it for me. It worked! The video, that is. There was no sound and despite his efforts, he could not produce any sound. I guess I should have realized that any TV set that came from my late grandmother, who passed at 91, wouldn't be working right because she was stone deaf and probably didn't even realize that there was no audio!

The tech mentioned to me that he had spotted another TV set in my attic. Yippee! Yeah...not so fast! This particular set was so old, it had no volume, channel or power buttons located anywhere on the set and a remote control was needed in order to change the channel to 4. Surprise surprise, there was no remote control! Now what would make you think that I'd have any luck after the weekend I had?!

Right now, it's TV Central in my family room. Three different TV sets, three different sizes. My biggest worry was getting the two larger ones out of my family room as I am unable to budge either of them with my little finger.

I had no other choice but to go back to Best Buy last night, the fourth time in the past few days, to look for a new TV. YAY! I get to drain even more money from my bank account!! WOO HOO!

If any of you have had to purchase a new TV set lately, you're aware that most of the TVs on the market are flat-screened. Very few are the big, bulky kind from yester-year, like the two that are stuck in my family room. I found a reasonably-priced set that I really liked and I figured it was time for a new entertainment stand as well as the one I have now is older than dirt and has, coincidentally enough, started falling apart recently.

Things couldn't have gone any smoother which kinda' scares me! The last time things went this easy for me, I had to return to that damn store three times! Anyway, I completely schmoozed the sales person and he totally hooked me up! This is what he did for me:

- $100 off the price of the TV set!
- $20 off the cost of the entertainment stand because the one I wanted was no longer in stock and he agreed to let me have the other one for the same price as the first when I asked. That would have reduced the amount by $10 but when he rang up the purchase, he gave me a $20 discount! It was no mistake on his part either, he said he did it because he liked me! See? I'm not always a bitch!
- The only way to get the two TVs in my family room hauled away is if I had them make a delivery. I chose to save $125 by taking home the stand with me and build it myself so that it would be ready for when they delivered the TV. He was able to reduce the $90 delivery charge to $30 and he altogether eliminated their usual $30 haul-away charge.
- After delivery, the store's techs have to come out to hook up the TV and to make sure it's working properly. My sales guy was able to cut that cost in half.

All-in-all, he still made a nice commission off my purchase and I still almost poked my eyes out with a dull pencil point when I saw the total cost! I'm hoping this TV pays for itself the way my ancient, out-dated one did!

The cool thing about this store is that they have a rewards program. Any purchase over a certain amount of money and you receive $15 in store credit. Between this and the computer purchase the other day, this amount will come in handy when I have to get a new dryer! *wink*

Now, onto the phone issue...

The earliest the phone company could get someone out to my house was this Wednesday. While driving home yesterday from getting my daughter at school, I received a call from the phone company that they had an available tech and would I mind them coming out right away? Would I mind?! That's like someone asking me if I would mind collecting a bazillion dollars after winning the lottery! Silly, silly question!

The tech was a woman and she spent a little over an hour finding and correcting the problem and helping me set up the high-speed Internet. My son is extremely excited that his computer is all set up and I'm extremely excited that I don't have to wait around for the phone company on Wednesday!

As you can see, I'm up early again this morning. When I had my doctor's appointment yesterday, I was reminded that the speed might cause me to have some sleep issues. Despite the fact that I was exhausted at bedtime last night and that I took the muscle relaxant prescribed to me when I had my accident, I only slept a total of two hours. It wasn't like I was staring at the ceiling all night, it was actually a very comfortable, peaceful and euphoric rest in which I had my eyes closed most of the night, I just didn't get much sleep. Since I'm such an early riser, I'm taking the pill five hours earlier today so I shouldn't have this same problem tonight.

At least I hope not but with the way my luck has been lately, who knows?!

baby, you can drive my car...

Fuck that! I'll drive my own damn car, thankyouverymuch!

That's right, I am driving and walking once again! And I didn't even have to beat my doctor upside the head with my crutches to let me!

I was early to my appointment yesterday and, surprisingly enough, early taken. If you recall my telling you about my first appointment with this doctor, he fit me into his schedule but I still had to wait two hours so I was yesterday prepared to have to wait before being taken. X-rays were taken of just my left foot and the doctor said he could see no sign of the bone chips or break. He gave me a support brace for my left foot, sent me on my way and I will see him again in a month!

So now, I'm wearing the brace, sneakers and walking with a cane. My PT was here this morning to show me how to do some exercises between now and the next time she checks in on me in two weeks. The doctor said it was up to me about how much longer I wanted to continue physical therapy but he doesn't think I need it anymore since my PT did such a good job getting me back into shape. And this afternoon, someone is coming to pick up the wheelchair.

Driving is a piece of cake. My foot doesn't hurt at all and it's been nice being able to get out and get some things done! My left foot is still causing me some stiffness as well as some new joint issues (my left knee and right hip) given that I'm putting so much more weight on my right foot but the exercises my PT gave me will resolve those issues in time but just to play it safe, I've upped my dose of my daily joint supplement!

Now, as far as these fucking tropical weather systems...Calgon, take me away!

My kids were at their dad's all weekend and the first words out of my daughter's mouth when she stepped foot in the house on Monday night were "We may have to evacuate!".

Apparently, the person who shall not be mentioned here decided it was necessary to "educate" the kids on what was going on in the tropics. I don't know about you, but I wasn't aware that educating someone on a topic consisted of putting the fear of God into them! It took me several days for me to try to put her mind at ease and I thought I had made progress with her until she got into the car yesterday after school and asked if our house was going to fall down! Fuckin' A! Now she thinks that every time there's a damn gust of wind, our house is gonna' go with it! So how is that educating her?!?

We do have an evacuation plan and I do have a hotel room reserved for us just in case. I'm thinking that Hanna will pass us by so we won't need said hotel room for her but I'm thinking about re-booking that room in case Ike decides to grace us with his presence, which looks like a strong possibility at this point. Unfortunately, we're overdue for a biggie of a storm. We haven't had one in this area since the late 1800s.

Please keep us in your thoughts during this time and all you up the east coast, please stay safe this weekend 'cause it looks like you could get it worse than us!

get out your party hats

Yesterday morning, my dad called me to tell me he had killed two birds with one stone and passed gas and pooped at the same time. Yeah, thanks for telling me, Dad! And right before breakfast!

You may be wondering (or not!) why I'm telling y'all this but it actually is cause to celebrate!

About a month ago, my father had some pain in his pelvic region. Being a stubborn man (I know, a bit redundant), he refused to go see a doctor. He was certain it was something else. When the pain wouldn't subside, he finally and reluctantly went to the doctor, had a Cat scan and found out that he had an abscess in his intestines.

He was immediately put on strong antibiotics to help get rid of the infection and on a bland diet of bread, broth, cheese, no salts or spices or anything else that would cause his Diverticulitis to flair up anymore than it already had. My dad was diagnosed with Diverticulitis many years ago but my father has always listened to his stomach rather than his doctors and has always eaten whatever he's wanted.

The doctor informed him at that time that he was going to have to have surgery, no questions asked. First they were going to [hopefully] drain the abscess and then have the surgery to resection his bowel. The abscess was successfully drained, even more antibiotics followed and then the day before the surgery, he had to have a Colonoscopy to make sure there were no other infected areas.

This was serious shit (no pun intended)! No one in my family has ever had major surgery like this!

The four hour surgery, which took place last Wednesday, was much more difficult than expected. It consisted of removing his Sigmoid Colon, his Appendix (which wasn't originally planned) and they had to resection quite a bit of his small intestines. There was much more infection than originally thought.

Then there was the 2-3 day waiting period to see if any further infection would develop. If so, a colostomy bag would have to be inserted. Everyone kept their fingers crossed. Time passed. Three days later and thankfully, still no infection. Saturday morning he had some liquids, his first liquids since Tuesday night! He tolerated them well. Sunday morning he had liquids and Jell-O. And then...success! He did his bu'ness! And of course, being the proud man that he is, he had to call everyone to share the happy news!

And today, he's going home.

The surgeon has been quite pleased with my dad's progress. Knowing that elderly people tend to take longer to recover from illnesses, wounds, etc., I'm quite surprised that my father, who turned 70 in May, has bounced back so quickly from such major surgery with little discomfort! I know he still has a long road ahead of him but I'm really rather amazed!

So please, keep my father in your thoughts and prayers for a continued speedy recovery!

i can't believe i ate the whoooooooooole thing!

OMG. If someone wouldn't mind handing me a pin, I would like to pop this balloon-of-a-stomach of mine. Talk about a food baby!

My daughter and I went out for a steak dinner this evening and then ate far too much. I stuck a candle in my steak and my daughter sang Happy Birthday to me! THEN, as if the appetizer, bread, salad and main course weren't enough, we had to, according to my daughter, stop at the supermarket two seconds down the road to get a slice of cake for each of us.

Honestly, I think I'm gonna' explode. Or puke. Whichever comes first! I'm not sure which is better.

I had a great day today! My first day taking pix for my photo blog! I awoke really early because there were a few shots I wanted to catch at sunrise. However, they didn't turn out as expected. One was on an overpass and I was surprised at how much traffic was going by at 5-something in the morning! And those driving were just as shocked to see some dimwit walking on a highway as I was at how fast those fuckers were going! I finally decided that I didn't have a death wish and didn't want to die on my birthday so I turned around on the highway to catch something else I had in mind. I picked a good time to go back to my car because soon after getting in did a cop pass me and I would have surely been ticketed had he seen me walking in the dark, just begging to be hit!

I was close to missing the sunrise and wanted to capture a particular object. Soon after getting out of my car, a pickup truck passed me, then slowed down and backed up! It was a nice guy seeing if I needed help but it could have been anyone and I got a little scared. So I quickly snapped a few shots but when I imported them to my computer later, the sunrise was beautiful but you couldn't see the object so I'm just gonna' have to shoot the object in mind during the day another time.

I had a few more stops to make then treated myself to breakfast while waiting for my next and final stop to open. My blog is this close to being launched! Yay me!

Thank you to those who wished me a Happy Birthday here as well as called and sent me Email messages! I feel no older than yesterday but gimme' a day or two for it to sink in! *wink*

home again

Today was the first day of camp for my son. We showed up at 9:15 and he kicked me out shortly before 10!! I'm actually glad because the hotel was scuzzy, I slept like shit and as soon as I got home I took a two hour nap!

Anyway, we arrived in the Blue Ridge Mountains on Friday and my son was in awe of his surroundings. However, that feeling soon left him and he spent the remainder of the evening sulking, afraid that no one at camp would like him. It was very sad and I felt bad for him. But, I know he has a lot more self-confidence than he thinks he does and when Saturday came and he saw the camp for the first time, his mood changed for the better right away. He was the first one in his bunk to arrive and he clicked with his three counselors right away. One is from England and taught my son how to play Rugby in about five minutes. They also shot some hoops and skated at the skate park. Yes, the camp has a skate park, go-carts, paintball and an arcade, just to name a few activities. But the camp is not all about sports. They also teach vocals, guitar and drums. One of my son's counselors is instructing drums and taught my son how to play drums in about ten minutes. Oy, my freakin' migraines!! The third counselor will be instructing paintball. I know my son will dig that!

So he picked which bunk he wanted to sleep in and I helped him unpack. From about 10am to 5pm, we spent the day there, taking a tour, getting to know the camp, watching a water skiing demonstration and just having fun! Another new camper arrived in his bunk shortly before the water skiing and they spent some time together. It was nice to see my son bond with someone.

I couldn't get my son to leave and if it weren't for the counselors having a meeting to attend, he would have stayed longer! My son was so excited about everything, he couldn't stop talking about it and around 7-something this morning, he jumped outta' bed and started to get ready! My son has never gotten up from his bed so fast in all his 10+ years!!

My son has three awesome counselors. There are counselors from New Zealand, Australia, England, Germany, Israel, France and oh yeah, the U.S.!! When I went to camp, I had some foreign counselors as well. I mean, how could anyone forget Lulu, the tall, thin, blonde bombshell from Sweden who wore Daisy Dukes every day?!?!?!? Or Philipa from Australia who kept a jar of Vegemite underneath her bed?! *gag*

The camp director has also been sending frequent updates. He's already taken pages and pages of pictures and posted them on the camp website. There are two pictures of my son, his counselors and bunkmates. It looks like he's having an awful time! *wink*

I'm glad I'm home but I do admit that as much as my son complains and fights with his sister on a daily basis, the house is a bit empty without him!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

see what a little practice will do?

Last week was my daughter's first swim meet of the summer season. She was in the very first race and as she was waiting for the race to start, I glanced over and noticed she was so nervous she looked like she was gonna' yarf.

She swam, smiled at me and then broke down. She cried, she screamed at me and then she got over herself in record time. Talk about someone not being able to handle the stress of competition!

She did that one other time during that meet after swimming the backstroke. "I hate the backstroke! I'm never swimming it again!", she said.

Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Whatever.

She swam in her second swim meet last night. She got first place in Freestyle and Breaststroke and second place in Backstroke.

What was that bullshit about how she was never going to swim the backstroke ever again?!?!

She was so proud of herself, you should have seen her prancing around there like she fucking owned the place!!

Of course I'm exaggerating just a bit because those places were in her individual heats. When all the times were actually tallied, she placed fifth in the Freestyle, tenth in the Backstroke and was disqualified from the Breaststroke! I'm kind of annoyed about the Breaststroke. I thought she did great and a mom's opinion should count for something, right?!

Now, let's talk about the facility in which the swim meet took place...

Fucking EW, man!!!!! To the 100th power!

The pool was icky. It looked like they hadn't cleaned the grout around the tile since the turn of the century. MOLD-Y. The color of the bottom of the pool made the water look algae-colored and there was so much film on the top of the water because of the kids natural body oils and the SPF on their bodies, I could have used some to slick back my hair. The length of the pool wasn't standard Olympic-size so the kids actually had to swim 37 yards instead of 25 (one length).

And the locker room...

Well, I honestly think I may throw up just telling you about it. Good thing I haven't eaten breakfast yet!

I think the last time they updated it was the 1970's. I think the last time they cleaned it was the early 1800's. It was scuzzy and smelled like someone had taken a huge, hairy dump in the middle of the floor. They ran out of toilet paper and we had to resort to using paper towels. If I had a bottle of hand sanitizer with me, I would have poured it over my head to cleanse myself.

I should also mention that the people who were in charge of running the swim meet at this facility were incompetent boneheads. For those of you who don't swim or have never watched a swim meet, there's something called "heat sheets" which includes information on all participants races, the lane they're in for the different races, their times from previous races, etc.. This place almost had to forfeit due to their incompetence. They didn't have the heat sheets ready and then when they did, they only provided information on their team. Then when they revised it to include our team, it was wrong. Then they revised it again. By the time all that nonsense was done, the meet started nearly thirty minutes late and they had to scratch all the medley races. My kids and I didn't leave there 'til 10 last night.

All-in-all, aside from the bathroom, it was a fun time!!

this is what happens...

...when I lose all track of time, don't have the time and/or the motivation to blog! My posts turn into novellas! I would like to spare you the lengthy post but I'm afraid that I can't contain myself and instead of writing chapter-by-chapter of weekend happenings, I think I'm just gonna' have to come clean and lay out the whole messed-up truth for you in one lump sum!

So let me start with today before rewinding...

Today was my kids' first true day of their summer vacation. They've been really eager to see the new Narnia movie so we went but within 30 minutes of the movie starting, some asshat started snoring. Loudly. There weren't many of us in the theater and the noise emminating from this man's nasal passages was louder than the movie itself! Soon after Mr. Snorey McSnoresnore started telling us how he really felt about the movie, it became rather difficult for me and the rest of the movie-goers to concentrate on the film and I'll be damned if I pay for and sit through a 2 1/2 movie and then not remember WTF I saw!

What kind of annoyed me more than the guy actually snoring was that the few other parents that were there were very quick to make comments about how rude this guy was, but no one was willing to get off their fat asses to do anything about it! So of course, I took matters into my own hands...

It was a toss-up between standing up in the middle of the theater and shouting to this man to either STFU and watch the fucking movie or go home and take a nap OR get the manager involved. I thought getting the manager involved was the best option especially since she's being paid to embarrass the guy as I wouldn't be able to hide the sheer pleasure of busting his chops. I felt silly telling her about what was happening, I've never done something like that before, but if it's between me and my spending a shitload of money on a movie and this guy being angry that someone took his nappy-time away from him, I'll deal with Mr. Crankypants getting a few less minutes of sleep any day.

Oh yeah, the movie was okay too. Or I should say, the kids enjoyed it.

Now, back to last Thursday night...

I was prepared for my parents' arrival. The most prepared I think I've ever been for one of their visits. My house looked GREAT, in top-knotch shape and I was excited for the weekend. This, of course, was when the shit started going down.

It was around 4pm Thursday night that I tried this new hydrocortisone cream for a persistent dry patch of skin I've had for some time now. Soon after applying it, my hands started itching uncontrollably from the inside out. Within just a few minutes, they were bright red from my rubbing at them, swollen and on fucking fire yet I couldn't stop rubbing the fucking dickens out of them! The more they burned, the more I itched and the more I itched...well, you guessed it, the more they fucking burned! Then the same thing started with the soles of my feet! After that, anywhere I itched, from my head to my ass-crack, I mistakingly scratched which lead to more uncontrollable itching, fiery-feeling skin and then a red rash started taking over.

Suddenly, my lips and chin were numb! I went into the bathroom and could not believe what I saw...my lips looked like a cross between Angelina Jolie's and Eddy Murphy's character, Professor Klump, from The Nutty Professor. Then I realized my tongue was swollen too! So let's see..my face was swollen, my eyelids were swollen and my tongue was swollen. So I was fat-lipped, looking drugged-out and sounding like Daffy Duck. Fucking fabulouth! *snicker*

Of course my parents had arrived into town by that point and were expecting us to join them for dinner. I was not only swollen, itchy, red and having a slight problem catching my breath at times, but I also had to lay down because I had cold sweats and was seeing flashes of lights, like some kind of funky kaleidescope aura. I had taken a Benadryl before things had gotten really bad so when things started passing a bit, I took the kids to see my parents at the hotel and went right up the road to the emergency clinic to see if there was anything more they could do for me, was taken right away, given a steroid shot and put on more steroid pills for the next couple of days. I mean, I've been stressed out before when I've seen my parents but this was just too fucking much!

Thankfully, the rash and the rest of my symptoms went away pretty quickly and I'm fine now. Although I may consider lip augmentation at some point just not something so drastic. *wink*

Friday was graduation day and the school/grade put together a lovely ceremony and presentation that I'm sure all the kids will remember for years to come. Afterwards, there was an equally nice reception where the kids had some of their final art and science projects on display and could retrieve them for safe-keeping.

Here's where the second real humdinger of the weekend popped up...

Those of you who've been reading my blog for some time now know that I've never officially met my kids' stepmother because, simply put, she's refused. I don't know why, I no longer care but the person who shall not be mentioned here went right up to my parents with her by his side and introduced her to them.

Now lemme' tell you something about my dad...my dad has a temper however, I can count on one hand how often I've seen that temper rise to unbelievable heights. When my dad was voicing his disgust for 'them' after he was introduced to 'her', knowing that I've never had the same courtesy extended to me...well, it was like trying to talk my dad off a ledge. Trying to tell him to let it go and not to let that kind of bullshit get to him would be like trying to tell the Pope there was no such thing as Catholicism. Absolutely pointless. I could see the steam rising off the top off his head. You see, my dad always likes to take someone's word but I guess he had to witness the blatant disrespect himself to know that I've always been telling the truth about 'them'.

So onto Friday night...where my son was a holy terror during dinner to the point that I had to step aside with him and order him to behave or else. The incessant whining, pitching fits and just trying to argue every point that was being made was enough to nearly me drive me to hurl knives at his head and jab forks into mine. And my daughter, who is usually such a dream to be out with and is a model of perfect behavior for every child to emulate was feeding off her brother's bad behavior and acting like she will one day when she's in high school.

Saturday was a better day with my taking my parents to our pool for a few hours for lunch and so they could watch the kids swim. Saturday night wasn't as nice though. It started out great. I had had a deep discussion with my son about his behavior in restaurants and he promised me that he would behave better, which he did. However, my dad was expecting the worst and at one point started slamming my son with insults for no reason at all. This time, I who told him to back down or else! It was ashame really, my son hadn't been doing anything remotely like he had done the night before and it could have been a very enjoyable dinner for him had it not been for my father who, as always, jumps the guns and makes mountains into a fucking K2!

Or course Sunday couldn't come fast enough! The kids and I got up early and went to have breakfast with my parents at their hotel before they hit the road. It was nice to go home and relax for the remainder of the day. I can't remember the last time I actually relaxed while relaxing! It was nice just hanging out with the kids, watching a movie and snuggling in for an afternoon nap. That's the way it should always be!

i have some good news and i have some bad news

It's always good to get the bad news outta' the way so first so let's start with that...

My morning routine consists of my logging onto my computer, checking Email and getting onto that dating site usually to bother the living piss outta' people. This morning I logged onto the dating site to find out my account had been suspended.

If it were a few months ago, maybe even a few weeks ago, I would have given a shit. Now I don't. I'm tired of the lunatic asswipe motherfuckers trolling that site and getting away with unacceptable, bad behavior and I'm tired of people like me who have to pay for their stupidity.

In an attempt to make a short story out of it all, a young beast of a woman came onto the message boards a few weeks ago wreaking holy terror. She asked a question, people responded and she proceeded to badmouth everyone for having an opinion that differed from hers. It just kept getting worse from that point on. Last night she decided it was okay to troll a thread of mine which I had started, geez, like four or five days ago. So when I decided she needed a taste of her own medicine and went onto one of her threads to remind her to shut her mouth because she had instigated, she tried to rip me a new one and then, in the end, I was the one who got punished for her abusive and violent behavior. The part where she threatened me should have been enough to get her the boot but it came back to kick me in the ass instead.

I reported her sorry existence to the head honcho at this dating site, trying to convince him that the wrong person had been booted but the response I received didn't sound very positive. Although no definite has been made at the time I'm writing this post, I believe I've been permanently suspended.

The good news is this is good news! I am tired of this online dating bullshit especially since I'm not even interested in dating, many of these people are for shit and aside from a few good souls, they are certainly not anyone I would pay any mind to in real life.

In a few weeks I will have family in town for my son's 5th grade graduation, my house looks like it was in the path of one of those awful mid-west tornadoes and it is in dire need of some TLC so being off this site will be beneficial for me and for my shitpit of a house!

And it will leave me more time for blogging which I've been very negligent of recently. Not that any of you care since some of you have fucking deserted me. Fucking doody-heads. *wink*

Even better news, I am the very proud owner of a new car! Okay, another ugly minivan but it's the Trump Tower of minivans! Luxury in every sense of the word and yes, I'm bragging! I spent a good 3+ hours wheeling and dealing at the dealership. Granted, my friend owns the dealership and I knew ahead of time that he would give me a kickass deal and I was not disappointed. It also helped that it's a buyer's market right now and they desperately needed the sale! WOOT! WOOT!

Even more better news...I found out that I have an unbelievably high credit score which doesn't hurt either! I have to tell you guys, sometimes I really do rock the house!

Even when I walked out of the house with dirty pants, my shoes didn't go with the outfit and I had left all my makeup at home and had to buy all new products, the morning still went my way!

yeefuckinghaw!!

I am one activity away from fulfilling my room mother duties for the school year!!

*thunderous applause*

Saturday was the country fair at my kids' school. I have never had such a boring time in my life! That's because the booth I was running was a total fucking joke! Shooting ping-pong balls off the top of a sand-weighted 2-liter soda bottle with water guns sounds like a thrill a minute, yes?!

One of the main reasons I was so absent from blogging this week was trying to prepare for this fair. One of the real stresses is trying to find people to fill the booth. There are always people who sign up for it at the beginning of the year and then either don't show or cancel days before the fair. And just last week, I found out that my wonderful co-room mom was co-chairing a booth and wouldn't be helping out with our booth at all. Not that I needed her help, it was just the fact that she didn't have the courtesy to tell me that annoyed me. Trust me, I wasn't the least bit surprised.

This time, between my class and the other second grade class we were doing the booth with, we lucked out with getting all the parents we needed. After sending out a confirmation Email last week to those parents in my class who had signed up, I received a response from a parent who said he wouldn't be able to fill his time slot because his daughter had a soccer game that day. Fine, no big deal. There's always someone so it was expected...'til I turned around and the first girl my daughter was hanging out with was his daughter! And then the first person to show up at our booth was him with his younger son! I mean, WTF??!?! If you're gonna' lie, make it a good one!

So I show up to the school, gather all my stuff, make my kids help me carry some things and go by the map that was sent out two weeks ago as to where each booth was. No booth. Some nice guy told me it was next to the dunking booth. No booth. Oh wait...what's that yellow sign with tiny illegible cursive writing on it? Yup, my booth. But all that was there was the sign and a nasty, dirty bucket with broken water guns and smooshed ping pong balls in it! No tables and chairs as promised and no water or water hook-up. Um, DUH! We need water for a water gun booth!

Have no fear! Super Room Mom is here! Not only had I gotten all the necessary supplies and didn't need that silly old bucket full of unworkable crap, but there were two maintenance workers standing right there at the dunking booth trying to stop numerous leaks (nice) and I told them what we needed which they retrieved for me right away. One of them did their best to convince me that everything was set up by 7 the night before and that someone must have taken all our stuff. We were one of two booths that needed water, so someone from let's say, the cake walk booth, is going to come steal our hose in the middle of the night? Mmmmm, don't think so!

The booth, hidden behind two refrigerated trucks, was pretty much a bust from the moment we set it up. No one noticed it unless they were standing at the dunking booth and most of the kids who stopped by were four and under who kept whining to their parents about wanting to get the first place prize. Fuck, I hear whining all day long from my kids, I really didn't want to hear it from other peoples' children too!

My daughter is out-growing the fair. She spent most of her tickets on food. I think the only booths she went to was mine (out of pity, I'm sure!), the climbing wall and the hair salon - one of the more popular booths, a real hair salon donates their time and sets up shop in one of the classrooms. You should have seen all these boys with their hair plastered into mohawks and sprayed with colors and glitter!

The highlight of the fair was watching my daughter perform with two of her friends in the lip sync contest...and probably would have won too if it wasn't for that dog and those meddling kids. *snicker* No really, two girls did a great job on a song from the musical "Wicked" so no one was a match for them. My daughter and her friends sang to Hannah Montana's I Wanna' Be a Rockstar. Nearly every other girl in the second grade did a Hannah Montana song too but ours was different...at the end, I had the girls writhing on the ground like Jimi Hendrix, banging their guitars, pretending to play their guitars with their teeth and one gal, who had me nearly peeing in my pants with laughter, stuck out her tongue at the audience like Gene Simmons from Kiss! They were a total hit with the crowd which, in my opinion, was better than winning!

Actually, the true highlight of the day was when I went home! After the lip sync contest are when the people start heading out. I started closing down our booth because the people were few and far between and it just wasn't worth it to keep it open any longer. As I'm sure you can imagine, I was so relieved that my day was over!

pearls of wisdom

When driving, never ever get out of your car and approach another driver for doing something on the road you don't like. You never know if the person will have a weapon on them...or a really big potty mouth that will spew hot steamy word diarrhea all over you.

I was driving home from running an errand this morning when I got behind this beat up, POS minivan. Just by the name of the county on her license plate, I knew that she was a redneck asshole who couldn't drive for shit because no one from that county knows how to drive.

The speed limit was 25. This area is my neighborhood so I go the speed limit because there are kids and because there are too many cops that patrol my neighborhood not to. Clearly, the woman in front of me was not going 25 mph, she was going much slower than that. If I'm going 25 and practically kissing your tailpipe, chances are you're not following the speed limit. And chances are, I'm gonna' continue to practically kiss your tailpipe just to piss you off since you're pissing me off and probably making me late for something.

At one point, a van in front of her turned off and she came to a sudden and complete hault. Here was a woman who was tweezing her eyebrows while she she was driving and she approaches me for my driving! Here's the exact dialog exchanged, I'll refer to her as SFRC - Stupid Fucking Redneck Cuntmouth:

SRFC: *gets out of her car and approaches the front of mine* Do you think you could get any closer to my car? *motions to her bumper*
Me: *talking from inside my car* Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can, ya' want me to try?! Oh on second thought, I wouldn't want to mess up that rusted-out piece of shit van you have there.
SRFC: Did you not see that there was a van turning in front of me?
Me: Get your eyes examined, lady. The car was half a mile in front of you. You were just applying your brake because you couldn't stop being the useless fucking cow that you already are, who probably had to bribe the cop that issued you your license with sexual favors because it was the only way you knew how to get one. Clearly, it couldn't have been for your impeccable driving skills. Now get back in your car or I'm calling the cops on your skanky ass.
SRFC: Go ahead, do it. Then you'll get arrested for tailing.
Me: I will? Really?! Where are all those witnesses you have to back you up, bitch? 'Cause all I see is a stupid, uneducated woman who'd get laughed at by the cops.
SRFC: You're an idiot.
Me: You're a dumbass.

With that, she slowly drove away, under the speed limit again and then picked up some speed when she saw that I meant what I said as I picked up my phone to call the cops. Which I did. Explained to them what had happened, that she was recklessly driving in a 25 mph speed zone, that I felt my life was at risk when she got out of her car and approached mine with her fists drawn (*snicker*) and gave the 911 operator a description of her car and her tag number.

Oh and by the way...this was not an April Fool's gag!

this is what doggy hell must be like

Poor Schwartz.

I was watching Schwartz on Wednesday night and thought I saw him limping. I asked my son if he noticed it and he confirmed it. We'd just had him to the vet that day and he was given a clean bill of health so I was curious what could have possibly happened to him between his vet visit and us getting him home. The only thing I could think of was I had asked one of the vet techs to trim his nails and that maybe she cut him a little too close and his paw was sore.

By Thursday morning, he was clearly favoring his right hind leg. He was able to walk and run a bit but when standing still, he was lifting it slightly. Fuuuuuck!

After dropping my kids off at school, I took him to the vet and left him there for evaluation. Around 11, I got a call from one of the vets saying that when she pulled on that leg, he was wincing in pain a bit and asked if she could take an X-ray. I gave her the go-ahead and not five minutes later she called me back with the results...

...a metal plate, rod and wires from a broken leg/hip that was probably a result of him being hit by a car when he was younger.

I couldn't believe it!

Certainly explains why he doesn't lift his leg when he pees, which my son noticed right away when we first got him. He can't lift his leg because of the plate! It also explains why when I walk him and he hears a car, he stiffens up and refuses to move until the car passes. That boy is strong!

We're under a cold spell right now and as it goes, Schwartz will probably always be a bit achy in colder weather. As he gets older, he will probably have extreme arthritis from his injury. Even so, he's still perfect to us. Whatever pain he might be feeling right now has not taken away his happiness and playfulness. His personality is really starting to surface. For instance, just this morning when I let him out of his crate to take him outside, he turned around and shut the crate door with his muzzle to let me know he was done with it this morning! I just had to put him back in it after he'd been out for awhile stretching his legs and wreaking havoc in my house. It seems his injury hasn't stopped him from chasing the cats around the house and jumping up and down all over the place. All is quiet for the moment, I think he's passed out from all the early-morning activity. Too bad I can't find sleep at the moment!

This morning, he's off to Camp Green Dog for a weekend of social-butterflying! My son's baseball team is playing a game about an hour or so south of here, we can't bring Schwartz with us and I'm not comfortable leaving him at home, stuck in a crate all day. He needs to be out, exerting his energy and having fun. I bet he'll have a blast!

i need a 12-step program

I found the Hallmark channel this weekend. Someone shoot me.

I don't know why, but those movies are addicting. It's always the same storyline...love found, love lost, love found again, happy ending. *sigh, sob, weep heavily, wipe tears and snot away with back of sleeve*

Fucking Hallmark.

there's a sucker born every minute

But I'm the biggest one of all.

I took my kids to a birthday party yesterday. Upon arriving, I saw this beautiful chocolate Lab mix sitting outside on the wet ground. I thought it belonged to the people who were throwing the party until I learned from them that the dog had been sitting outside for several days, in the rain and obviously homeless.

Later on during the party, some of the other women and I went outside to further examine the dog who had no collar, was beautiful and sweet as pie and appeared to be in great health. We determined that he was still in his puppy years, untrained and unresponsive to any commands and that some fucking asshole probably couldn't handle his puppy status anymore, removed his collar and put him outside, never to claim him again. I have seen this type of neglect before and that shit really pisses me off.

If there's one thing I could say to the people out there who are fooling themselves into thinking that they can be responsible pet owners, dogs don't train themselves, you fucking hosers!

By the end of the party, I had claimed that dog as mine. The people who were having the party loaned me a collar and a leash and I spent some time outdoors with him getting him used to a leash, something else he had never experienced before, and teaching him to sit. It was heartbreaking, to say the least.

I had always known that my kids and I would one day own a dog, but I had always told them that it would be at a time when we could handle one in our lives. This was not that time and I could feel it but I was not going to let that puppy spend one more day outside and abandoned. Directly from the party, the kids and I went to the pet store in which we bought him all the necessities - collar, leash, food, a few toys and a crate. He was in dog heaven inside the pet store as they had just had pet adoptions that day and there were dogs galore in which he could socialize with. If his tail could have wagged any harder or faster, it would have detached and taken off into the air!

As soon as we got him home, I knew it was a mistake. I was almost in tears from trying to figure out how to put the crate together. Then "Rufus" as we started calling him, didn't care for the crate, his loud cries echoing throughout the house. I'll assume that a crate is probably where he spent most of his time in his previous home. He needed to be able to move about freely so I closed off my bedroom to our cats and let him roam about my room. And he was happy.

I am a firm believer in things happening when they're meant to happen, but things still didn't feel right. There had to be something better for him and I knew it wasn't us. My kids were already sweet on him and were broken-hearted when I told them that we needed to find him a good home, that I just couldn't handle him. And, surprisingly to me, they both started crying.

I felt awful but I had to remain realistic. I told them not to get too attached but apparently, it was too late and I could not give into their pleas. Here was one of the most gorgeous 60 pounds of solid dog I had ever seen and the people at the pet store said he wasn't done growing. I have never owned a dog and while I could certainly learn, I don't have the time to train one and watch over it all the time in order to prevent it from tearing our house apart. Just from him spending those short 3 hours in my bedroom pulling, tugging and tearing anything he could, without him being able to tolerate a crate, I saw no other solution than try to find him a better home.

I called my neighbor across the street from me and asked her if she knew of anyone who may want a puppy. It was music to my ears when she said "Yeah, I do.".

Her handyman, who had been thinking of getting a puppy some time in the near future, was on my doorstep 45 minutes later. Originally, she'd told me that he wasn't going to be able to come out 'til today, but she knew I was desperate to find a more suitable place and that keeping him overnight was going to be a real challenge so she convinced him to come out right away. And I bet he was happy he did because the smile that lit up his face when he saw Rufus was like none I had ever seen, they took to each other like glue and I could tell that they were both in serious like with each other. And for me, it felt right. As it turned out, this guy used to breed chocolate Labs! How more perfect a fit could one get?!

I gave all our purchases to the guy without even asking to be reimbursed. Clearly, these two were meant to find each other and it only seemed right just to give him everything. When we were packing up his car, I saw that he had already purchased a bag of dog food prior to him seeing Rufus. Somehow, he must have known that he was going to be returning home with a new friend.

We went across the street for a little while because my neighbor who helped me find this guy said her kids wanted to see the dog. Finally, I could see this guy was eager to leave so I sent my kids back to our house and gave him numerous hugs, thanking him for being able to give this dog a great home and to keep me posted on what he found out about the dog from his vet (like how old he actually was, what the mix was and what he decided to name him).

When I returned home, someone had turned on the faucet, figuratively speaking. Both my kids were laying down in the family room, balling their eyes out, my daughter clutching the collar and attached leash! I almost started laughing at the ridiculousness of it all! Finally, the only way I could get them to stop was to take them out to a convenience store and buy them soda and junk food! That shut them up pretty quickly!

Even so, when they were done eating and drinking, my daughter called out which part of the collar and leash combo she was going to sleep with! Last time I had checked on them, my daughter was clutching the leash and my son resembled Rambo with the collar secured around his head! OY!!

We were all emotionally and physically drained from our brief experience as dog owners. Sleep came quickly but boy, do I sure feel the after effects of that dog walking me!